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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840349">Bastardology</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearCat/pseuds/DearCat'>DearCat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>KHR Rare Pair Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>All naruto wants is some ramen, Crack, F/M, Female Uzumaki Naruto, KHR Rare Pair Week 2020, Naruto eats Xanxus out of house and home, talk no jutsu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:42:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840349</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearCat/pseuds/DearCat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto eats Xanxus out of house and home and casually talks no jutsus him. (Not that she realizes, there are more important things to think about, like ramen.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sarutobi Hiruzen &amp; Uzumaki Naruto, Superbi Squalo &amp; Xanxus, Uzumaki Naruto/Xanxus (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>KHR Rare Pair Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>KHR Rare Pair Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bastardology</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here are the <a href="https://twitter.com/DearCat24/status/1274432309110980616">snippets</a> for the other drabbles I've got ready!</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Seriously?" Nobody answers her but Naruto hadn't been hoping for a reply anyway. Kurama's mocking snickers were more than enough, thank you. "Can't a girl have 15 minutes to eat some ramen?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That question, too, was rhetoric but it receives an answer regardless. "Hmm, sure?" The guy is a brunette, small and adorable and with a head full of fluffy hair that she has a hard time resisting. The urge to pet him is almost too strong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside him sits a white-haired man, eating marshmallows leisurely. Naruto recognizes another pranking spirit on sight. "Ooh? And who would you be?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uzumaki Naruto," and she's too damn hungry to complete the usual introduction. "Where's the nearest ramen stand?" She can deal with the weird interdimensional jump later. Their blank faces are answer enough. Naruto shrugs, she'll find it herself and jumps down the table. "Oh yeah, sorry about your forest." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she had been a tiny bit startled when they'd pulled her from Ichiraku. And maybe, just maybe, Naruto might be a little Rasengan happy these days. It's hardly Naruto's fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on queue, a part of the wall crumbles, the forest after it flattened to the ground, and Naruto blushes, gesturing vaguely towards the door before she leaves, long blonde hair swaying behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the guys falls into step with her. Dark hair, are those feathers? Red eyes, scars all over him and angst oozing out of every pore. Great, this one is a Bastard 2.0, Naruto can already tell. She's also a master of Bastard-Speak and the leading expert in the field of "how to socialize your bastard." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needs a better name for it. Bastardology? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better than anything her father would ever come up with, that's for sure. "Come on," Naruto herds him to where her nose is guiding her. "You're paying for my ramen." This one, at least, doesn't know better yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bastard 2.0 snorts, not even faltering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto rolls her eyes right back. "Of course you will, you guys dragged me here. Take responsibility!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he answers her with is a one-eyed glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as mentioned before, Naruto is an expert in bastardology. "Save it, I'm not one of the fangirls." Bastards always have hoards of them. "They're your friends, believe it." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To that, Bastard 2.0 grunts incredulously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, get over it," Naruto pokes him on the stomach. Bastards need physical and verbal affection, it helps them with their regretful bastardy. That said, nobody needs to know that Naruto is purposefully annoying with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This bastard, though, seems to be more in the lines of Sasuke after the invasion instead of Sasuke after the Fourth War. He pulls out something from his belt and Naruto reacts on instinct, she tanks the attack to keep the civilians behind her safe and barely manages to redirect the Rasengan she was about to ram into his gut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh man," she slips his weapon into her pouch and looks despairingly at the crumbling building behind him. This universe is so breakable. So damn breakable. This one was even just a normal Rasengan. "All I want is some damn ramen, you bastard."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That did scorch her a little, though. Which contrary to popular belief, given Naruto's well... Narutoness, is actually pretty impressive. Of course, Kurama is already dealing with it. Speaking off, the energy… it felt like Kurama on a pissy day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nowhere near Kurama's old levels of rage but like a human version of it. You know, instead of a centuries-old chakra monster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bastard 2.0 is looking at her, eyes slightly widened and mouth parted. Damn him, really, are all bastards this pretty? Naruto props her hand on her hip and glares him down, doing her best Ino impression. She's dealt with Kurama when he was the King of Angst, he can deal with Feathered Murder over here. "Well?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guy grunts, sending a pointed look towards her weapons pouch. Naruto, just as pointedly, ignores it. She rolls her eyes, snags him by the wrist and drags him behind her. "Now, you're </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely</span>
  </em>
  <span> paying for my ramen, believe it." She was going to be nice, too. Eat maybe three bowls. Now she's going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty</span>
  </em>
  <span> his wallet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only does she empty his wallet, she pulverizes it. It's no like she set out to be mean about it, alright? She's just been helping with well… pretty much everything. Being a one-woman army has its downfalls. Between working and working and meetings and more working, Naruto hadn't honestly noticed how damned hungry she was. Just that she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which, it turns out, is far too damn hungry. The place is no Ichiraku but the ramen is still good and the cook had no problem sending people out to buy more ingredients as soon as Naruto gave him Feathered Murder's wallet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guy's surprise at Naruto handing it over had been hilarious. She can sort of see why Jiraya did it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, she eats mostly the day away but once she's done, Feathered Murder's wallet back in her hands, she snags him again and decides against wandering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They find a nice rooftop with a view of the ocean. Or maybe, it's more accurate to say that Naruto finds it and drags Bastard 2.0 with her but he hasn't left. So there's that. "So… why are you so angry anyway?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is it to you, trash?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto ignores the bite in the tone, ignores the insult. She's been called far worse, there's been more venom in the voices of people that now greet her with a smile of admiration. This is nothing to her. "Nothing, really. I just figured I'm as unbiased as you'll ever get, bastard." She is, after all from another dimension.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bastard 2.0 watches her in silence for a moment and then drops down to sit by her side, close enough that Naruto can feel his heat. Unlike Sasuke, who ranted his fury at her, screamed it between punches, Xanxus tells her in quite even tones that sound of resignation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For all that she loves them, Naruto thinks Xanxus would understand her better than Sakura or Kakashi. Though maybe not Sasuke. But they're both up there. But the more he talks, the less Naruto finds herself comparing the two bastards. They are both bastards, of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sasuke is her rival, Gaara her best friend. Xanxus? She thinks that if she let out all those dark thoughts Naruto has long kept inside her, Xanxus would understand them quite well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You deserved to be Decimo," she tells him, frankly. Because he did. Would he have been a good one? That Naruto doesn't know but if the title was given to the sons of the current leader, adopted or not, Xanxus qualified. "But why did you want to be?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or did he ever? Because to Naruto, it sounds more like Xanxus was hurt that it was denied to him in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Xanxus makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat, something a little disbelieving. And Naruto wishes she could point him to the direction of the swordsman who has been following them since the beginning, discrete as he thought himself to be. But she asked and Xanxus answered so she grabs a hold of his hand instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Growing up," she tells him, staring at the same landscape he's pretending to watch, "the villagers hated me. The demon brat. They would always look at me with those eyes and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, you know?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto drags her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "The old man used to visit me at the orphanage. The one person who liked me in the entire village. The Hokage. The Third. But for me, he was the old man. Closest thing to family I had." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love him still, and I forgive him," she ignores Kurama listening quietly as well. "But I'm not an idiot. My parents had friends, a student, but none of them approached me. Not once. To protect me, they said. I know now. He was the old man to me but he was always the Third as well."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There's resentment there that she refused to acknowledge to anybody else, "my father sealed the nine-tailed demon inside of me when I was born and since then, I was a container first and his adopted granddaughter second. For the rest of them, I was a weapon, something dangerous, to be wary of." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kurama feels worried and she smiles, sending him affection back. "I didn't know, of course. For a long time, I didn't know I was a container. The old man only told me when a traitor spilt the secret and I'll never know if he planned to tell me about my parents. He died before, you know?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But even before I knew, I wanted to be Hokage. I wanted them to acknowledge me, I thought that it'll show them I'm worthy of them. I know now the old man told me that to keep me loyal, I'm not an idiot." No matter what people like to tell her. "But I want to be Hokage still. Just for a different reason." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Xanxus is full in looking at her now, not even pretending otherwise. "Why? They're shitty people." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A part of Naruto thinks: I know. "There are people in the village who used to spit at me and now won't stop smiling my way," Naruto tells him, somehow darkly amused. "I don't think I'll ever trust it. But the Hokage is the strongest ninja in the village and I need to be strong. If I am not, how will I protect the friends I finally managed to make along the way?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, impulsively, she sends a smile his way. "I've decided you're my friend, too." Naruto points a finger to his face and watches him go cross-eyed as he leans back. "I'll protect you too, believe it. And kick your ass if you're being too much of a bastard!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fist closing on her shirt makes her smile gain teeth. She's expecting Xanxus to throw a punch, she's expecting a somewhat exasperated spar that will leave them both satisfied and her message received. So Naruto lets him drag her to her feet, lets him pull her close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What she's not expecting are chapped lips against hers, a hand cradling her cheek. Naruto makes a surprised sound and ignores Kurama's facepalm and mutterings about her tendencies to reform assholes everywhere. She presses closer, going up on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>leaving so many links was annoying so I just made a thread of threads of the current snippets of what I'm working on. Right now that's Reaction and Adjustment chapter 4 (which seeing as it's at 9k, will realistically be divided), Kisuke's POV for A little Hollow series chapter 2 and KHR Rare Pair Week drabbles.  </p><p><b>My social media:</b><br/>Twitter, for snippets of what I'm currently working on. <a href="https://twitter.com/DearCat24/status/1274432656655204358">Thread here</a>.<br/><a href="https://dearcat1.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a>, for weekly drabbles.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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